Grief at the Holiday

Coping with Grief at the Holiday

When we think of grief, we reflect on the death of a loved one, extended family, a close friend, or we hear the news of a friend who lost a family member. Transitioned is now a coined term for death, which helps see our loved ones moving forward to the next realm. It does not matter if it is sudden, accidental, a long struggle with a chronic illness, self-inflicted, or expected because of a dangerous lifestyle. Death is never an easy pill to swallow. God forbid it is a young child, teenager, or young person just beginning to define what life is; death is painful for them.

Have you ever wondered why most spiritual text references death as both mournful and celebratory? Ancient cultures and traditions see the ushering into one life to the next very ceremonious. Current history and sudden changes in our society have forced many of us to reconsider how we mourn and celebrate our family and loved ones' lives.

But how about the sudden loss of lifestyle? Career, income, and access to basic needs: This very well may be the toughest Thanksgiving we all have faced! Life, as we have known, is gone and may never return. Many of us are grieving the transition of family and friends as well as lifestyle changes. Now, coming to terms with family gatherings this time of year will be different IF we remember the importance of physical, social distancing.

We are not only grieving lifestyle change; we are sad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, grateful, thankful, and hopeful, all in the same breath. It is a lot to take in. Thursday will be a different online support group. We will share, offer an opportunity to participate in a traditional ceremony of honoring and remembering our loved ones. We also want you to bring a song and a glass with your favorite drink as we toast and embrace a fresh perspective on how we celebrate. Join us in COINPM monthly Zoom-Room Online this Thursday at 4:30 PM (PST). Notice the time change for those on the EST… a little earlier just for you. Click Here

40 Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holiday

1. Acknowledge that the holidays will be different, and they will be tough.

2. Decide which traditions you want to keep.

3. Decide which traditions you want to change.

4. Create a new tradition in memory of your loved one and or experiences.

5. Be creative about spending time with family and friends. Consider virtual games playing, i.e., create a family zoom room and play online games together (Cards, word games, bingo, charades, etc.)

6. Plan ahead and communicate with the people you will spend the holiday with in advance to make sure everyone agrees about traditions and plans (virtual and online gaming, dancing, and dinner together)

7. Remember that not everyone will be grieving the same way you are suffering.

8. Remember that the way others will want to spend the holiday may not match how you want to spend the holiday.

9. Put out a 'memory stocking,' 'memory box,' or another special place where you and others can write down memories you treasure. Pick a time to read them together.

10. Light a candle in your home in memory of the person you've lost and or changes. (Career, relationship, etc.)

11. Include one of your loved one's favorite dishes in your holiday meal.

12. Be honest. Tell people what you DO want to do for the holidays and what you DON'T want to do.

13. Donate to a charity that was important to your loved one in their name.

14. Buy a gift you would have given to your loved one and donate it to a local charity.

15. If you are feeling ambitious, adopt a family in memory of your loved one: This can often be done through a church, and always with Center of inPOWERmeant INC. 501c3

16. See a counselor or coach. Maybe you've been putting it off. The holidays are incredibly tough, so this may be the time to talk to someone. Click Here

17. Pick a few select items that belonged to your loved one and gift them to friends or family who will appreciate them.

18. Make a memorial ornament, wreath, or other decoration in honor of your loved one.

19. If you have been having a hard time parting with your loved one's clothing, use the holidays as an opportunity to donate some items to a homeless shelter or other charity.

20. Send a holiday card to friends of your loved one with who you may regret having lost contact.

21. Visit your loved one's gravesite and leave a grave blanket, wreath, poinsettia, or another meaningful holiday item.

22. Play your loved one's favorite holiday music.

23. If your loved one hated holiday music, that's okay! Play whatever music they loved.

24. Journal when you are having an especially bad day.

25. Skip events (online or otherwise) and conversations that pull your spirit down

26. Don't feel guilty about skipping events if you're experiencing overload!

29. Talk to kids about the holidays – it can be confusing for kids that the holidays can be happy and sad after death. Let them know it is okay to enjoy the holiday, and it is okay to feel sad.

30. Make a dish that your loved one used to make. Don't get discouraged if you try to make their dish and you fail. We've all been there (or, at least, I've been there!).

31. Don't send holiday cards this year if it is too sad or overwhelming.

32. Don't feel guilty about not sending holiday cards!

33. Skip or minimize gifts. Talk as a family and decide whether you genuinely want to exchange gifts this year. If yes, choose an exchange or participate in an online gift exchange.

34. Honor your loved ones' loved ones with a picture table.

35. Clean out old clothing, shoes, and other items you have not used and given to a family in need.

36. Have a burning ceremony with old bills, papers, badges from work, business cards, whatever is no longer in your life.

37. Redesign your daily practices. Prayer, meditation, breathwork, yoga, take a walk, bike ride including a stationary bike, elliptical machine, or any other exercises you can engage.

38. Read new and uplifting books or audiobooks.

39. Paint, sew, crochet, or any other soothing habits that will refocus your attention.

40. Listen to music, dance, board games, Jenga, and try a new game with your immediate family.

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