Ham and Cheese
There is no manual for parenthood, except for how our parents showed up for us. Our grandparents, and those who nurtured, guided, and loved us. Many of our examples are filled with love and pain. Love and suffering. Love and survival. Love and violence. Love and confinement. Love and dread. Not often have we experienced the love of freedom, living, joy, and healing. If we have been fortunate enough to experience the latter, it is usually after something traumatic. Some form of trauma. Death, divorce, sickness, loss of job and career, or something traumatic creates a stage to experience an outcome filled with joy, healing, and living full out in authentic inner peace.
Why has the human mind, spirit, and body been conditioned to welcome trauma as a way of life?
Our recovery relationship with Ourselves Say Goodbye to a Ham and Cheese Life! By Steve Harrington
Who among us is fully satisfied with their lives? Don’t we all, someplace in our hearts and minds, long for something better? Don’t we all want something different—big or small—in our lives? It seems part of the human experience to want change, always. It could be more money, better relationships, freedom from pain, acceptance, more comfortable surroundings, or opportunities for personal growth. Even the most hopeless would welcome hope. Even the most lost among us would embrace direction. But the reality is that if nothing changes, everything stays the same. Without change, life satisfaction remains an elusive shadow that follows us but cannot catch. What would make your life more meaningful? Enjoyable? Satisfying? You probably already know. And you may also know how to obtain it. The hard part is acting on your plan to make changes to improve your life. Consider this story: Three construction workers building a skyscraper were sitting next to each other on a high beam hundreds of feet above the ground. The worker in the middle opens his lunch box and pulls out a ham and cheese sandwich. “Ham and cheese! I’ve had ham and cheese sandwiches every day for the last year! If I get another ham and cheese sandwich, I don’t know what I’ll do!” The three workers each their lunches, and the next day, they again find themselves high above the ground sitting on a steel beam eating their lunches. Again, the worker in the middle pulls out a ham and cheese sandwich. “Ham and cheese! I can’t take it anymore!” With that, he jumps off the beam and falls to his death hundreds of feet below. One worker turns to the other worker still on the beam and says, “Gee, I’ve never seen anyone so upset about a ham and cheese sandwich.” The other worker turns to him and says, “Yeah. What’s really odd is that he makes his own lunch!”
Questions to ask yourself?
Is your life a ham and cheese sandwich? Is it the same every day? Instead of roast beef, are you settling for ham and cheese because fear of change compels you to pack the same lunch every day? The ability to change our lives is within us. But it requires courage to risk stepping out of our routines. It takes a willingness to challenge our fears and risk unpleasantness or failure. But we can do it in small steps at first until we gain the confidence risk takers know so well. Instead of plain ham and cheese, add a little mayonnaise one day, then mustard, toast the bread, and, soon, you’ll be ready for that roast beef. Always remember: If nothing changes, everything stays the same. Remind yourself how a more satisfying, enjoyable, and meaningful life could be. Once you stop packing ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch, you may discover a world filled with egg salad, tuna, turkey, chicken, and peanut butter. You may discover a world of immense diversity and rich with opportunity. You may look back and scold yourself for living a life filled with ham and cheese sandwiches. But you will look forward to each lunch hour opening your mouth wide to embrace new tastes. If your life is one ham and cheese sandwich after another and frustration is compelling you to consider a leap off that steel beam, heed my words. Muster the courage to take a risk. Gather your dreams, hopes, and desire for a better life and change your diet!
If nothing changes, everything stays the same.
Steve Harrington lived on a steady diet of ham and cheese sandwiches for five years after he was diagnosed with a mental health condition. He now enjoys a great variety of food!
Lurinda Iris Jones
Director of COINPM
SURD, Grief, Trauma, and Family Counseling
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